And somethings telling me it might be you all of my life..

PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:

[#o1] Welcome to my blog
[#o2] Do not rip anything off
[#o3] Live like you will die tomorrow
[#o4] Love like you have never been hurt before
[#o5] Follow your heart
[#o6] And remember to live life to the fullest
[#o7] Always be happy
[#o8] Follow all of the above cause Sandra says so

It Might Be You - Stephen Bishop

I am Cassandra Teresa Dias,

Another turning point - a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist - directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time
So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
When our time is up,
when our lives are done,
will we say we've had our fun?
will we make a mark this time?
will we always say we tried?
all the love i have made,
i have no regrets,
it it all ends now,
i'm set...

I have no regrets

:D

myspace/hi5/friendster/msn
at askme@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

12:14 AM

You either get it or you don't....

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonite you tonite
From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

Somehow,is either i get it or i don't but i guess i didnt get it in the end...and then its either i fall or i stand but i guess i fell..I'M GLAD I OFFENDED THE WHOLE WORLD!!!! I can't believe that even the taxi driver ask me to take it easy cause i couldnt find enough cash to pay for the cab and i was day dreaming then forget to ask him to turn into the road near my house..

Me;uncle,so how much is the fare?

Uncle:$6

Me:opens wallet,found a $5 note and got worried cause i scared i can't pay the rest(keeps apologising) cause i took a long time to find my coins then...sorry uncle!! sorry uncle!!

Uncle: don't worry, take your time,take it easy

Me:Sorry uncle, sorry uncle!!(leaves the cab)

Though it was a small thing,but i kept thinking about it,i was even talking to myself in the lift..well..guess i'm not only useless,i'm still a worried freak...Sandra sandra,what's wrong with you today? oh well,just love talking to myself...

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Saturday, December 09, 2006

2:38 AM

Honestly,what will become of me???

Its 2am in the morning and i know i should be in bed now but the truth is i can't sleep...today sales was good...had such a great time laughing with Jason and Zhen Rong,he's damn funny...So weird,we had to wear the santa's hat...feel weird with it but it was fun...well, i guess menses coming cause i feel moody...I guess my friends are all dead...they disappeared faster than i expected but well soon it will be my turn..I keep talking about them, guess i miss them but they don't bother so why should i??? You know i realise hard work isn't all that important..some people work so hard to get what they want yet some work so hard to get the shit they want...I mean who wants shit right? but i feel like shit...why do all good things come to an end?? Guess nothing is forever right? I learnt many things from many people these couple of years...i learnt that promises are meant to be broken..nobody gives a damn about what they say,they dont mean what they say..so i guess people are all like that...second thing i've learnt is that when people need you,they expect you to be there for them,yet when you are feeling shitty and need them,they tell you they are busy...well,no point in putting hope in people cause they never fail to disappoint me..they are a bunch of useless bums...curse me,hate me,scold me all you want..i don't give a fuck now..i tried all ways to prove to myself that this world is beautiful but guess i was stupid..it was beautiful for a short moment but turned ugly later,well being beautiful for a short moment is better than nothing right? Anyway,from now on, i will be living the life that i always wanted...Cassandra shall not be dumb,blur,dreamy anymore...she shall be selfish,smart and mean...why live for others when all you get is shit from them? Without them,i will be much happier so fuck you all dead and all out of my life=) Forgive me oh God!!! I know i'm such a disappointment to you but well i know you have never given up hope on me cause you never stopped loving me from the day i was born..well,i ever told someone that i won't give up hope on that someone but now all i can say is a sorry,guess it doesnt matter anymore..I shan't care anymore,false hopes are what have become of me=(

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Friday, December 08, 2006

12:13 AM

Why Do All Good Things Come To An End??

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon
so that they could die
Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Travelling I always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it
and I don't cry
I only feel gravity
and I wonder why
And the sun was wondering
if it should stay away for a day until
the feeling went away
And the clouds were dropping and the...
The rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were whistling a new tune
barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon
so that they could die

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

11:23 PM

And So...

And so i can finally use the computer,heven been blogging for a long time..ouch!! my legs having cramps now so pain..tomorrow still have to work..After working,i realised so much things,i feel i have changed...i feel so materialistic,like money has become my obession...i have even become so selfish but i won't blog it out cause i only want myself to know and thats good enough!!Oh God, please forgive me,i feel like a total sinner,a total not Cassandra...So much thoughts are in my damn head now..but i can't seem to let it all out...its like a balloon with so much air but somehow the air inside can't seem to come out..i'm becoming more and more weird..and i don't know why..has my job cause me to be like that or has my heart changed due to the circumtences? I remember the things i told my mum yesterday,it was like devil has gone inside my body..Our whole conversation was nothing about money...i feel i'm beginning to love money and this is something not wrong right? but it has changed me..i can't explain it,i can't describe it but i can't be bothered already..I feel so sleepy sia,but i can't sleep...all i know is that i heven done my homework,but who cares? i don't care about anything or anybody anymore...you know something,i'm very scared..the way i right this entry,do i sound depressed? cause i'm not even scared if i depressed,cause i feel all right..Am i crazy or am i no longer that Cassandra that you used to know? I'm not having an identity problem,i know who i am,i don't think i'm depressed though i sound like i am...I just can't seem to do the things that i like to do and the way i want to lead my life..I don't need you people to get out of my life cause you all have already been out of my life..the day where i placed my hope on you guys,was the day i knew they were going out of my life...i may sound petty but i am petty.and i admit it...i'm tired,really tired...but what can i do? if my life was a movie,will the movie be a good one,haha?? oh god,this girl here is crazy,she's laughing about something thats not funny...All thanks to Noor..cause she's always talking to herself too and i have caught her disease!! So you ask me,is this entry suppose to be a depressed or funny one? i can only tell you that my answer is i don't know...

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Saturday, December 02, 2006

12:00 AM

The fucked up way

Am i fucked up? haha..sorry,just felt like asking cause i feel i am..anyway,i was in a good mood today,so happy michelle praised me saying i have improved,yet so sad that she's transferring to HM..after all,she taught me alot of stuff and we had some good times together.why does this job require so much transferring here and there? so sad yet so happy...want to laugh yet want to cry..so what should i do? laugh or cry? i have no idea...Work was good today and sales was excellent!!! tomorrow,i'm working again!!! izit a good or a big thing?haha...i think i'm mad,i keep haha for no reason..am i mad or am i pretending to be happy? guess my answer is both...why do i sound so depressed again man?? cheer up sandra cheer up....omg,i'm consoling my damn self,i'm seriously mad...I don't feel like talking to anyone tonight,i just wanna be alone...All the things i hate revolve around me,i'm not feeling the situation..

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Friday, December 01, 2006

12:10 AM

Poetically Pathetic...

I've reached the stage of giving up...i can't eat,i can't sleep...i can't seem to do anything...I don't know what's the reason but all i know is that i'm very unhappy..i feel so tired of being unhappy..nothing seem to make me feel happy,am i so hard to please?? Life is a misery,everyone will stand alone..is that true? well...to me it is 70% true..complain complain and complain is all i'm good for but i don't know what is the right thing to do to really make myself happy,i feel so empty, so depressed,yes,i'm repeating again..Life's really sucks sometimes,really it does..where are all my friends? studying? sleeping? going out with mother? watching tv? abroad? anything else to add? oh ya,i missed out working and laziness..They are the ones who make me feel pathetic,cause when i need them..they seem to all fade away from my pathetic life...They only know how to come to me when they need me but somehow able to throw me 100 excuses when i need them..funny thing is when i free..they turn me down,when i busy,they die die will ask me out..what's their problem ah? So i guess they are what i called my "good" friends..good for turning me down..but i don't really care much anyway..i'm also sick of work,so much stress,sick of life,doing the same routine...sick of everything and everyone that exist in my life...I feel so pathetic though everyone thought i was happy but guess nobody knows that i'm bleeding inside..My life is nothing but for people...sad also have to smile and act happy for customers..Guess that didnt work for me ...busy also still have to make time for my friends...Ever since i started working,i also don't have time to spend with my family,i only see my father once a week..i feel so so so stressed..I want a holiday but the problem is i'm poor,i can't afford it...thats why now i'm working to make sure i'm not poor but still no point..everything has no meaning,has no point...I thought family and friends would make me happy but later i found out we were too busy with our own fucked up life..and they soon became fucked up and i later became fucked up too..so i turn my point to money which i thought will make me happy cause it could buy me anything i wanted but i soon realise i lost time..time to go out,time to reflect,time to even day dream..time? time never waits for me..i feel so pathetic...can some one make me feel unpathetic? my answer is no cause everyone has their own life..I'm going crazy,are you going to save me? cause i'm scared that when i turn crazy, the whole world is happy..well,guess life's like that...I don't resign to fate,i resign to life..Please give me back that hope,love and the life that i used to have but now lost..will you? please? Just someone to give me a big hug and tell me that everyything will be great,that is all i need cause i'm poetically feeling pathetic today=(