And somethings telling me it might be you all of my life..

PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:

[#o1] Welcome to my blog
[#o2] Do not rip anything off
[#o3] Live like you will die tomorrow
[#o4] Love like you have never been hurt before
[#o5] Follow your heart
[#o6] And remember to live life to the fullest
[#o7] Always be happy
[#o8] Follow all of the above cause Sandra says so

It Might Be You - Stephen Bishop

I am Cassandra Teresa Dias,

Another turning point - a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist - directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time
So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
When our time is up,
when our lives are done,
will we say we've had our fun?
will we make a mark this time?
will we always say we tried?
all the love i have made,
i have no regrets,
it it all ends now,
i'm set...

I have no regrets

:D

myspace/hi5/friendster/msn
at askme@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

8:52 PM

Dead Beat!!!
so tiring today,today i was on morning shift..went to take bus early then went to the macdonald for breakfast then headed down..there were nothing much in the morning..just a few customers..later noor send me to the bank..i was like rejecting cause you know i so blur,if i drop money,i will be in deep shit,she ask me to count the money and so embarrassing,she say i don't know how to count,count until next morning also cannot finish..so mean right? haha..then later grandma came to visit me and because of me,she decided to buy a blouse there..later i went off for my lunch..didnt feel like eating so just grabbed a coke from mac again..then went to the room,saw michelle inside...she so scary,look like anytime can beat people up,haha...i feel she really looks like from PL..but she says its impopssible cause even if she was,i will never see her cause she's 25...she say whether i could speak chinese,why do everyone ask me that question?? I want to work during my break but they keep asking me to rest,haha..Actually i suppose to end at 2pm today but later they ask me to go to the other Giordano at toa payoh also..helped them until i want to faint ah..they got so many things on sale..then so many customers also dig dig dig,then i have to clear clear clear the mess..there was once when i was serving one customer,then other two came along and ask me so many question,wow..its just so terrible..there was one customer,an auntie i remember clearly..she brought along a luggage,i ask her' you going for holiday ah,auntie? haha,then she laugh and say' no la,i i go shopping,put everything inside then easier,just push la' then i suddenly think,quite smart ah...oh i forgot to tell you..working in giordano is like in npcc,i have to keep shouting ' hi welcome, thank you, see you again' i remember every now and then i got scolded for not saying loud enough..haha..best part is i don't know how to fold clothes as you know i don't do housework,haha..so terrible right i? haix..it was tiring..i was thinking why didnt i just stay at home shake leg rather than working to tire myself?? after work,i took a train to bishan then took a cab back..guess what..it has an extra $2 charge....sad!!!

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Monday, October 30, 2006

11:08 PM

Such An Embarrassment!!
Today was my first day of work at Giordano,1st day nevermind,worse part is i got lost at Toa Payoh Central and Hub..the place was so big that i was even late..but in the end managed to arrive there..Went there saw my boss,she gave me a set of uniform which is a pair of jeans and blouse..asked me to try them then she will alter of me..then later while she alter,i had to go in for some lessons...Noor was one of the colleauges who taught me about the rules there and stuff,so sad,no dyed hair is allowed...The worse parti wear the clothes already,i forgot to tear off the sticker and tag,haha..blur right?? But there were so many different kind of customer..there were minahs..ah lians,ah bengs,young couples,old couples and many young and old people..it was fun serving them..especially when most people thought i don't understand chinese...Kay is my other malay colleauge,he's rather nice too..He ask whether i'm a chinese, obviously i told him i'm not rite? he also says i don't look like one..most of the stuff there are malays but they are nice..my boss is a chinese,her name is michelle,she sure looks lyk an ah lian..haha...but it was tiring to stadn for at least 7hrs...but it was alrite la...when i got home,i kept complaining,cannot wait for tomorrow again,!!!

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Sunday, October 29, 2006

9:26 PM

Kiss The Demons Out Of My Dream

Woke up feeling scared,i dreamt i had a breakdown..everything went wrong,family fell apart...this dream was enough to leave me hanging..I know this is just a dream but i'm so scared it becomes a reality...So what did i do today?? Went to church again..must be thinking who goes to church twice right? but if i don't go,my mum won't go,haha,after that went to parkway for high tea buffet...went to shop before the buffet at 3.15pm..went to giordano 1st to see again the scene of the people working there and stuff,i'm just scared,i cannot believe a person like me is finally working,its like a new found miracle!!haha...then walk around at topshop,espirit,dorothy perkins,morphesis and more...So many clothes i wanna buy man..i just cannot wait for my salary,haha..today i was like a stoner,keep day dreaming,in the restaurant,i ate so little...after eating keep stoning,my mother keep calling me but i was in my own la la land,can someone tell my mind not to think so much?? Talking about me day dreaming,you know yestering while bathing,i use the soap as my shampoo and i didnt notice it..i keep pouring the bottle of soap into my hand to my hair and i didnt realise,what a freak i am right?? i'm just so terrible that when i took an afternoon nap again, i had a nightmare...i dreamt my job at giordano was hard...i'm so scared...i just don't know why i keep dreaming..please drain the pressure from the swelling,its sensation's overwhelming,,tell me that i won't feel a thing...Kiss the demons out of my dreams..GIVE ME NOVACAINE!!!

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Saturday, October 28, 2006

10:51 PM

Love Or Make Use?

Did nothing much today,except wake up and got to eat my favourite wan ton mee,haha..later went to the market with my parents,felt like a spoilt brat cause i keep complaining how hot and dirty the place is..then ate kway chap there for lunch at the market..after that took an afternoon nap,then got ready to go youth mass...it was a miracle that my brother went other wise i would have to go alone..dad send us there..there wasn't much people..Didnt get to see him,so sad!!! but today's sermon was good..talks about love..Do we love people or we make use of them?? after hearing this,i question myself..do i make use of the people around me to get what i want or do i really love them?? I seriously don't know...what is love?? how do you love a person? yes, god loves us but what exactly is love? How do you define it? how do you show it? these are the question marks in my head..Later saw Joshua sitting alone and so i asked him to sit with us..looking at him makes me feel a sense of weirdness,haha...i can still remember when he was such a small boy and yet now he's such a big boy..i don't know why but i feel he looks kinda depressed or maybe i was just thinking too much?? actually,i wasnt sure whether i should go for youth mass today cause if i went,i had to go alone..i mean i don't mind going alone but the worse part is i have no one to peace with,haha..I was looking thru my email and then i saw an e-mail by rachel, i was so shocked..she told me how much she treasure me as a friend,all the memories we had..after readintg this,i felt so comforted..there was a voice inside me telling me to go for youth mass and so i followed that voice...she mentioned that though sometimes i might feel that nobody cares for me but the truth is they did and i believe they did..after reading her email,i really feel like they cared..i really feel much luckier than the others..I wonder who else will receive such a sweet e-mail..i really thank the time and effort put in for writting this email to me rachel...yes,i will remember those memories we had. and hopefully there will be more to come?? Though sometimes we make use of each other to get what we want but the fact that we have to get closer to a person to get what we want shows that we do love this person..without these memories, where is the love? so where is the love?

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Friday, October 27, 2006

10:11 PM

I Think God Can Explain
There's alot of things i understand, yet alot of things i can't explain,i believe only God can explain..I'm relieved and realised i get over again. Wake up in the morning..1st thing i did was to update yesterday's entry as i was tired to do so..Went for an interview with my mum yesterday at Giodano..I don't know but i think i talked too much to the interviewer..I keep saying i love giodano's clothes,my whole wadrobe is full of them...i llove their jeans and best part is i told them i'm a memeber of giodana..haha..funny thing is she made me feel comfortable..So woke up today,met up wif pei qing cause she needed to pass me something..getting ready to meet Lee xuan cause we were going vivo city...pei qing came late n lee xuan came early...and so i had to take a cab down to serangoon mrt station..we were like both sending each other lame and retarded messages like"sandra..five more stops to go, you can do it" though it was lame but it was fun..went to candy empire 1st then felt hungry so head down to the thai express there for lunch..it was such a filling meal...we were so full that we could hardly walk...continued shopping..and there it was,my favourite,Pull and Bear, forever 21..Guess what? i bought the skirt that lee xuan wants but don't have her size...such telepathy right??haha,same taste..Then after shopping,we went outside to the harbour for fresh air..many people were like walking in the water and lee xuan keep saying yucks..haha..took a few shots..then after that walk again then headed home as she has a date with her family the last minute,so sad..but after that,i messaged pei qing and ask if she was still in mac with mojo,xiao bao and hilda,since she said yes, i went to find them..saw xiu wen there too..Guess what?? i've got the job at giodano,hurray!! so happy!!! Now that i have to work...i guess there's no more time to spend with my friends and family..i don't know why i manage to get the job,i don't know why i can spend such an enjoyable day but i think God can explain...Cannot wait to start work on Monday!! Thanks Xuan for this enjoyable day,love ya=)

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Thursday, October 26, 2006

8:12 PM

How i realise they were the best times of my life...
It all felt like yesterday,the memories just all came back to me ..today was the last day of school..i don't know what lies ahead of me,i don't know what next year is in stored for me,i don't know whether i can make it for my N level all i know that the memories are all in my head...I thought i would walk this broken road alone but you guys came into my life....Turned my tears to laughter..My laughter to tears..my anger to smiles,my happiness to memories..all i know that its not a question but its a lesson learnt in time...i remember at the beginning of the year,i was scared that i could not pull thru,i was complaining that this year is gonna pass so fast but i didnt expect to pass faster than i expected. My first partner was shaminni,a sweet girl..we were always day dreaming,haha but it was fun..my second partner was chen chian..a rather serious but good experience!! She taught me things i didnt knew...though she kept saying that she doesn't have the patience to teach me but i knew she always tried and i thank her for trying..And lastly was Pei Qing,she's the sweetest and kindest girl,i'm sorry to make you go thru all the misery with me,though you didnt tell me but i can see it..But also thanks for always having lunch with me,calling me up when i didnt come to school,listening to my problems and lastly my serious attititude problem...I really enjoyed those bonding..hope you did too=)
Next, was my clique..they consist of Xiu wen, diane,lee xuan,michelle and hilda...Though i feel left out but they gave me good memories..i remember they always love cutting queue,haha...but i also remember them buying fruit punch or ribena for me...i remember we will always talk about stupid yet fun stuff especially xiu wen...about husband and stuff...i remember the times we talk on the phone,go shopping,times at the park and embarrassing times at the coffeebean..all thru happy and sad times...I will always remember that diane loves eating kang kong and gosh she sure eats alot..And for michelle,she's the one always buying drinks for me...she also was the one who died of heart attack after teaching me maths..now i love circles,haha..they always complain that i cannot carry alot of cups in my hand but don't worry i will learn that soon=) Though during that period i wasn't very close to hilda and lee xuan yet but they also taught me many things...Hilda taught me many things about life..as lee xuan,she and i know each other better now,you know what? we both love purple,haha..I always remember the times where xiu wen fought with hilda, lee xuan with diane..though i hated that part cause we had to be separated but i learn alot...we sure cannot take things for granted,after this,we learn to forgive and our friendship becomes stronger..I sure also remember those mahjong sessions,they keep saying they don't want to play with me cause they say i always win,they so bad right? just joking la..I also remember the times we go east coast, we learn to pick each other up when we fall,learn to encourage and lastly to enjoy each other's company..though i felt i and them were different but they taught me what was contentment. I just love seeing them smile...Now it comes to me being the dorcas in class,sadly my partner was huiling..i enjoyed partner with her?? not really cause we always buy the cards on our own..joking la..haha..i always remember us fighting over the design of the card like"my design is nicer than i will say but mine is cheaper,haha..i just love fighting with you=)Thanks for fighting with me to make my life spicer,thanks for giving me hope..and our relationship won't turn sour??haha,u sure?..but i learn what is the thought that counts..I love to just see the smiles on people's face when they receive the card..Do you know i don't really have this habit of buying cards and presents for people on their b'daes but know on my own,i really learn to buy..There's just so much things to remember..i remember me having a serious fight with jessie, well come to think of it,we were petty but we became close,we both learn to like DBSK especially hero,haha..another lesson learnt though..Oh!! i suddenly think of the people who i go school with,rachel,rene and xiu wen...we always walk the same path,guys do you know now when i walk to the bus stop to go church,i walk the same path,its just a habit?haha..but i remember the times we complain about the taxi-drivers and taxi-fare..the times we had to run cause we were late and lastly i know i'm always the last one to come down,sorry to make you all wait=) I believe i tried mixing alot with the different cliques in the class..i remember the time when i was close to fairli's clique was the time i learn dancing wif her and rebekah,fair's the queen ofd the class,loves bargaining with the aunites,haha..rebekah,you sure can do maths,remember the snake dance?haha..really miss walking to esplanade,haha..i remember nicole teaching me some steps,believe she will be a dancer one day...i remember jenny and laurel being the monitress..they were such funny people yet responsible. I remember samantha being the one always making the class laugh..thanks for telling me things i didnt know sam.Rene,thanks for teaching me science and your patience is something worth praising..rozand,do you remember our monopoly and maggie mee time with rene and rachel? let's play it again!!!Stephanie,thanks for always sending me home,the times we watch dbsk vidoes together,the times we go home together..really grateful and really enjoyed the deathnote movie with you and bing...haha..you guys are really comics lovers man,haha..Steff,you are just great...i remember just so much things,,,i remember us being caught for not attending assembly,remember once during pe when bethleen sprain her ankle,you all carried her,i was just so shocked!!haha..i remeber the times when we taught each other subjects we were not clear about during exam period,they always came over...You guys really taught me how to love a person..I remember yun ting,the thrifty girl...the times we went for job interview and the converse sale,really learn alot of things from her..I also know that hui min is a loud hailer,she always talk very loud,no offence ok? but she's the late bird,always the last one to arrive except for the previous east coast trip,it wasa miracle that she wasn't late,haha..i'm thinking how can i squeeze 1 yr of memories inside here?? Recently been going recess with beth's clique,they are really nice people too.i remember the times we did the f&n project together..beth's such a cheerful girl...never say die right?rennu,i keep saying you look like my great grand mother,i shall show you her picture one day and jeanne i remember you are the one talking to me when i'm alone..I also remember mojo,the one who though nag alot but stood by me during my ups and downs, i'm so thankful to you...so is everyone mentioned??haha..when we look back,will we remember all this or will we just turn our backs on it?? If i could live my life all over again,i will still want to come back to this moment..Thanks guys for all the bitter sweet memories=)

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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

10:51 PM

I wouldn't change a single thing....

First thing in the morning i went to buy chocolates for my class people..i feel so happy,don't know why..i just love to see the smiles on their faces...perhaps thats why i love being a dorcas..haha...anyway..class today was normal except that we found out we have lit and maths homework,so shitty right?? after that we had christmas service,it was all so fun cause we keep singing the carols with each other...it really warmed my heart,i just cannot wait for christmas,so fun,yay!! after that went heartland mall with mojo,stephanie and hwee bing for lunch,all had wan ton mee except mojo,she ate kway chap..i so love wan ton mee!!haha..i didnt had money to eat but they lend me money,so sweet of them right?? i feel so lucky suddenly..after that stephanie came over to help me with my blog..so nice right?? Steff, thanks for helping me,sorry to take up your time=)... Guess what,i was feeling so happy that i msged my clique, i wonder whether they received my sms..only lee xuan and diane replied..what about the rest? did you guys receive it? So fast, this year has come to an end...i certainly enjoyed,though it was not easily but i pulled thru with the help of God and support from friends and family..thanks for everything that happened..if i could live my life over again, i wouldn't change a single thing..Thanks Pei Qing for being such a great partner,thanks for everything you have done,love you lots,haha..still have so many people to thank..especially people who stood by me....Lee Xuan, Xiu wen, Hilda,Michy,Diane..my clique,thanks for all the fun times we had,the memories shared and not forgetting the quarrels we each had with one another..the times we joked though i could not take jokes..the times we buy drink and food for each other...jessie,stephanie,mojo,yun ting,bethleen,huiling,chen chian the people who made life better for me,though we quarrelled but we certainly became closer after that right?? Thanks everyone for all the bitter sweet memories..cheers to our friendship!!!haha

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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

6:28 PM

Time slipped off my fingers

Another day is ended
And I still can't sleep
Remembering my yesterdaysI begin to weep
If I could have it over
Live my life again
I wouldn't change a single day
CHORUS:I wish that I could turn back the clock
Bring the wheels of time to a stop
Back to the days when life was so much better
Lying here in silence
Picture in my hand
Of a boy I still resemble
But I no longer understand
And as the tears run freely
How I realise they were the best years of my life
CHORUS
You might say it's justA case of giving up
No
But without these memories where is the love
Where is the love
If I could have it over
Live my life again
I wouldn't change a single day
CHORUS
Why can't I turn back the clock
Bring the wheels of time to a stop
Back to the days
Oh no noI remember
whenLife was so goodI'd go back if I couldOh oh
I wouldn't change a single day
Don't let the memories slip away
I wouldn't change a single day
Don't let the memories slip away

Two days are all i'm left to spend with you guys...somehow i don't why the time is passing more quicker and quicker,leaving me no time to breathe...I'm sorry if the way i have wriiten this entry makes you feel like i'm about to die but thats how i really feel..i just cannot believe that one year is about to pass me by...All the memories i had, all the fun i had, all the outings we had,all the tears we cried, all the things we said just makes me feel like it was yesterday....there's just so much things that happened,i believe for a reason...all the lessons learnt, friendships made..it was fun..though we had our punishments but it was fun..haha..If i don't make it this year, at least all i've got are memories,memories that will last me a lifetime.There are just so many people i will like to thank in my life...You people gave me hope..lift me up when i was down..thank you for loving me!!!! I really love you guys!!!

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Monday, October 23, 2006

10:15 PM

Tattooed Memory#6

Death Note??
Anyone who writes a name in this book,the name wriiten will die!!!!haha....muhahahaha
My entry today will be different,like it or nt...

People in the death list:
1.Stephanie Ng
2.Koh Hwee Bing
3.Hillary Ho
4.Cassandra Dias

Destination:Plaza Singapura
Activity: Went thai express for tom yam soup
Watched Death Note...

Cause of death
1. Hillary died due to "Light" hotness
2.Hwee Bing died due to Light's sister cuteness
3.Stephanie died due to the movie being too cool
4.Lastly, sandra died due to 'L' smartness

Time of death:6.30pm

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Sunday, October 22, 2006

10:19 PM

Tattooed Memory#5

My Guilt And Shame

Went church...but didnt get to see the eyeliner guy,instead got to stand with joshua and his noisy friend,plus a emo girl who has this stucked up face..Both of them were so noisy that i had to tell Josh to keep quiet...What a big boy he is now!! last time..he was only in primary school,haha..after church,went to a warehouse sale..the place was very hard to find but in the end we found it...didn't buy much there cause the sizes were all so small...After that met up with XiaoBao to go for a warehouse sale..it was so crowded..typical kiasu s'porean pushing everywhere...At the end,it was all worth it,both of us bought shoes and she bought a shirt on top of it...going out with xiao bao really make me learn alot of things..she say she feel guilty after spending so much money...then i was thinking" what about me man?"haha..she's like the daughter every parent dream of having..so filial..After that went home,and then when i was about to send rennu the group work,i realised i lost my thumbdrive,i was so mad with myself...huiling and sam's work were all inside..i told them and they were like "nvm lor,re-do then re-do lor" i also told beth about it,and her response was similiar, one thing good about beth is that she is always so optimistic..this is something i wonder will i ever learn..xuan keeps telling me pessimist dies earlier and so i remember to be positive..but after all,all is easier said than done.I kept blaming myself for it until i cried..And my brother was like" why are you crying over a thumbdrive?" he was like thinking i was a mad woman!! I really felt terrible,i feel if i wasn;t so careless, perhaps beth and sam wouldn;t have to re-do..i felt so ashamed cause i couldnt even do anything but to just apologies...After that,went aunty gina's house for dinner..Everyone was like so lively except me,i was all depressed and sad..I'm now like emotionally and physically unwell...i have flu,tsk tsk tsk..sad,no money to see doctor..xiao bao,tell me how to save money "leh"....Thanks for today anymore,hope you had fun cause i certainly did=)

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Saturday, October 21, 2006

10:10 PM

Tattooed Memory#4

Those were so happy times,i wonder where they have gone?
Its been a week since i last left the clique, almost broke down yesterday infront of pei qing thinking how hard it was leaviing them,all the memories,all the fun..I really miss you guys..Michy talked to me and she send me a sweet e-mail telling me her thoughts,didnt really knew she will do that but she really made my day...i know they care but i just need one reason for something for me to believe on why i should return to the clique...I know i'm petty and impulsive,but if i don't do this, they will never know my existence and the way i really feel...I feel so sad...i don't know how am i going to continue next year if i pass my ns..Can i still believe in them? Can i still believe in true friends? Can i even believe i will be happy? I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it...I really miss you guys=)
Went to sentosa today with hillary,the sun was so hot but hillary liked it,haha..we tan for awhile den later went to swim...she keep mentioning that tsunami will come,so funny la she...den later we went to vivocity excitedly cause i wanted to watch deathnote but the tickets were all so sold out..so sad!!! we shopped for a while and later headed to plaza singapure to see whether we had any luck for the movie but the tickets were also all sold out..feeling hungry,we had long john silver...shopped for a while again den later returned to my house and we watched take the lead together...That was how i spend my entire day..On top, are the memories captured=)

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Friday, October 20, 2006

9:03 PM

Tattooed Memory#3
Aren't we all living in self-denial too?
Firstly...i feel like a hypocrite cause i once said i always hated blog but now i have my own..i mean people change their minds all the time right?? Ok, so today was a real boring day...Time really passed very slowly but inside me,i knew it was passing as fast as i could keep up with it..we have only one more week left with each other, what if i don't make it to next year? Does it mean i will never see you guys again? haha..after school, mojo, xiao bao,pei qing and me went to pizzahut for lunch...i had sausage mania baked pasta,it was damn good!!! after that we shopped around then piggy me wanted to eat dessert so we went and i had ice jelly cocktail,so shiok!! After that, mojo, xiaobao and i went to macs cause they wanted to study maths but we were fantasying about what we want to buy if we have alot of money..I mean seriously, we do not have such money but we still dream of what we want...isn't this called self denial?? But thats what everybody does,isn't it??

7:26 PM

Tattooed Memory#2
Can life be an experiment?
Today was such a boring day apart from the f&n bridging course..It was fun doing experiments cause if we do it wrongly we can try again..if only life is like that but it isn't..once we make a mistake, it is irreversible, this mistake might even change our damn life..anyway,enough about life...Went to have lunch with mojo 1st den met up with Rene and Rozand at parkway, went there to check out a job at Rusty..but so sad, they only want full timers...People are so weird, i rememeber myself clearly saying i didnt want to work in the past but now i really need money..now i learn the importance of money and importance of saving...I really feel like quitting school and just work all day but now i can't..Learnt something very important from Rene today...she said life is full of choices, we just have to choose what we want..Come to think,she''s right...i mean since i have already leave the clique,i should not think of going back anymore....I'm so bored now la...Cannot wait for princess hours to start, the prince is so handsome..oh!! how i miss my gay eyeliner boy...haha...just wondering whether you will turn up for youth mass next coming saturday=)

4:41 PM

Tattooed Memory#1
I gave up something i love

And so i left the clique..I didnt know whether i made the right decision in the first place but now i believe i did...They didnt even bother to ask me why i left or in other words, they didnt even care...perhaps that was the best i could do..Though they think i was happy but they didnt know how hard it was making this painful decision...Sometimes, i rather wish they didnt become a part of my life so i wouldn'thave to feel sad leaving the clique but i still thank them for the wonderful memories they have given me=) That day, i really had good intention of looking after the stuff but they mistook me for being anti social, i mean c'mon, if i had the chance, i would join them too, why would i sit alone all by myself?? All of you only care about yourself but you all didnt know that i was upset when you thought of me that way...Whhy do people only always care about themselves?? I feel so tired, trying to please everyone, when my phone rings,i pick up immediately, when you people ask me out, i happily accepted it but why izit when i needed yoou all...you guys tell me you are busy?? You tell me you need time for yourself but did you even realise that you also took some of my time??? I'm everyday trying to please everyone that i thought by doing so,i will be happier but i felt like shit..i really did but nobody knows...Now,all i wanna do is to run away to a place where no one knows me, i just want some time to be alone and also because of this you called me anti social, is this being fair to me?? I'm really fucking tired..i can't take the blame, sick with shame, so exhausting to lose my own game...The world is black, the hearts are cold, there;s no hope,thats what i'm told but i guess nothing stays perfect forever right??